Thursday, November 29, 2007

Waiting Supreme: I Seem Destined to Become More and More Irrational As Time Passes

I honestly thought waiting for a referral would be the hardest part. It was driving me nuts and I really, truly believed things would be okay once we knew who our kids were. Other mothers on the adoption blog I frequent talked about how waiting to travel was even harder, but I didn't believe them. At least they have pictures of their babies and can prepare for them and realize they actually exist, I thought.

HA! They were right and I was wrong. There were about two weeks after our referral that I didn't feel any worry or stress about the wait, but those days are over now. I want them home.

Do all new parents receive more advice than they can handle? I had a professor once in college who had never held a baby before her own son was born. I remember being aghast at that and thinking that holding a baby would have been pretty high on my priority list while gestating. Still, we both have experience with babies and are reasonably intelligent people... why is it that a lot of people seem to assume we won't be able to figure out how to feed, diaper, and care for them? I'm being far too sensitive and probably paranoid. I assume people are offering to let us hold their babies because they think that we'll be at some sort of deficit since ours aren't biological kids. I've yet to meet any first-time parent who feels completely prepared and knowledgeable so I guess I just figure that we'll learn what to do pretty quickly just like everybody else does with their first kids. Allegedly, one of my first phrases as a baby was "I can do it myself." - I guess old habits die hard. Like I said, I know I'm being too touchy. We're probably going to need a lot of help and support when Atticus and Norah come home. I'm just feeling a little overwhelmed and defensive. Is this normal?

Rationally, I know the adoption probably isn't causing hormone fluctuations. I wish I could attribute my mercurial moods to that. We have parent-teacher conferences this week and I can't tell you how often I'm on the brink of tears. Honestly, that's the case every year; I love my students and I feel so bad when their parents cry and so happy when their parents are happy. This year, though, the feelings are even more intense: Parenting, it seems, is pretty serious stuff and I hope we have the presence of mind to be good parents and not let our pride and egos stand in the way of our kids' success.

2 comments:

Chris and Christina said...

I hear you. We just learned that it may be 16 - 20 weeks, instead of the original 12 we were quoted, before we get to travel. Argh!

Sorry we didn't get a chance to get together a few weekends ago. Things are a little crazy now with finals, but perhaps sometime during Christmas break or shortly thereafter? Good luck keeping your kiddos calm before break; I always remember the chaos that seemed to reign in the school around about that time.

christina

Pennythrower said...

sweetie, you may well be my favorite person. i'm thinking of you.